Wonderful Things About Some Millennials I Know

Wonderful Things About Some Millennials I Know - Teresa Young

These days, as ever, I continue hearing and reading this and that about millennials. And much of it involves them getting a bad rap. Let’s face it, dissing millennials has been and remains practically a trend.

Meanwhile I’m a boomer with lots of millennials in my inner circle. And I feel like providing some counterpoint. Toward that end, I’ll list some great qualities that the millennials I know have in common. Of course the truth is, generalizing about a whole generation is a bit like throwing spaghetti at the wall. But why not counteract some of the negative stuff I’m tired of hearing? It’s the mood I’m in.

So what follows is my own POV. And if you don’t know, that’s screenwriter talk for “point of view.” Because one thing the millennials I know have in common is that they’re into movies! In fact, the combined knowledge of my three grown sons in the realm of filmmaking—directors, genres, styles, and all manner of related info—is a constant wonder to me. And I say that awareness of POV is healthy, and smart. It’s about getting that we each have a certain perspective, certain biases of our own, rather than making blanket assumptions that others see things the way we do.

Anyway, I do know a lot of wonderful milliennial-type people. As I share my personal perspective below, consider how your POV may be similar to or different from mine. And off we go.

Millennials’ bullshit detectors are sensitive instruments.

To put it bluntly, surely you’ve noticed that millennials are quite willing to call bullshit when they detect it. Do you flash on an example as you read that? I do. Many. And I respect that superpower. It contrasts sharply with my memories of myself as a young adult, thoroughly trained from childhood as a people pleaser.

And of course expressing one’s POV respectfully and/or gently makes a difference in the trenches of everyday life. In light of that tall order for all of us, I say that increasing life experience over the long haul tends to soften the sharp edges that any of us may wield, whether intentionally or not, as we live and share our perspectives and values.

Meanwhile, some folks probably experience this quality of many millennials as knee-jerk suspicion and premature judgment. But if my own experience is any indication, you may find that in sharing your perspective with millennials on an issue in a relaxed way, with curiosity about your differences, you may find yourself engaged in some very satisfying dialogue.

I say take the time, while doing the work of keeping your own mind open. The quality of our relationships is worth that good work on all our parts, perhaps especially right… about… now.

Millennials are values-driven.

Generalizing is tricky, right? Because of course it isn’t true of everybody born between 1981 and 1996 is particularly values-driven. And yet, consider how little of what grounded us boomers as children and young adults is still running the show. Consider the reality of millions of young people coming of age in a brand new millennium!

In truth, life here in the early 21st century is so vastly different from my young-adult boomer days that it’s hard to comprehend. Maybe, while growing up with so much change, uncertainty, and resulting chaos, millennials have had to make their own meaning in order to make life make sense and feel worth living.

Because with all of us more and more free to be ourselves, free to determine as individuals whatever that is and means for us, the millennials I know are utterly willing to discover and act on their individual values. And in the midst of that necessary work on their part, it sure seems like a brand new kind of 21st century social consciousness is in fact emerging. If so, I say look out, world.

Millennials are environmentally conscious.

Indeed, I see environmental consciousness as a case in point. But even more than just being conscious of environmental issues, millennials are doing their homework, and then taking meaningful action. They’re making life choices based on how our habitual ways of living, consuming, and doing business are affecting our precious planet.

And as their ecological concerns build, and they begin to really get what in fact advances or inhibits real progress, I predict they’ll begin dominating the conversation. Even something as straight-ahead as their buying power can make a real and permanent difference in the world.

What’s more, just imagine their voting power. I’ve been feeling for several years that when millennials truly grasp the reality of the power they have politically, it’ll be nothing less than a game changer. And if their unprecedented level of engagement in the 2020 election is a teaser for what’s ahead, well, again, look out, world!

 

The millennials I know are utterly willing
to act on their own individual values.

Millennials are socially conscious.

Yes, the millennials I know have zero patience with isms like racism and sexism. They’re also squarely laissez-faire in the realms of lifestyle, gender, and relationship choices.

The bottom line is, don’t waste your time or theirs on petty or even philosophical diatribes around these issues. Or go for it, and get an earful in return. It’s “live and let live” with them in a way that gives me new hope for our future as a global community.

Millennials are effortlessly tech-savvy.

They’re like smart devices themselves, wired to connect without special effort via ever-changing technology, straight up, no doubt. I’ve been aware of something new—their extreme neural plasticity relative to all things technological—since my now 33 year old-son Taylor was five. As I’ve sweated to hold my own in all that, I’ve marveled at their keen capabilities and called on them as expert resources.

And of course one juicy question is what will they do with it? Where are we really headed now as a species, and a planet? In the ongoing evolutionary process that they will soon lead, I personally hope their strong connections to one another can affect the existential alienation that seems baked into our increasingly digital lives.

Millennials have strong friend communities.

Because, in fact, the millennials I know have the strongest friend communities I’ve ever seen. After growing up in an age in which so many remaining cultural, social, and religious rituals lost their relevance, millennials are crafting their own satisfying, even ritualized ways of being in community. It’s inspiring to see and to be part of in special moments.

Millennials demand healthy relationships.

The sense I have is that these young folks have seen it all. I don’t really think they think they know it all, but they do know what they don’t want. They want authenticity, yes. But they also want stability. And they Do. Not. Want. Drama. Don’t try it.

Or go for it if you must, given your own conditioning. If you do, my prediction is that millennial-type people like the ones I know will just check you with some counter moves that help them continue to grow, and you, too. So maybe it’s all in fact good.

 

The millennials I know are crafting their
own satisfying ways of being in community.

Millennials transition with caution from romance to commitment.

Did you know the 50% divorce rate we’ve been hearing about so depressingly for the last few decades has been changing lately? That’s because, in contrast to the way we Boomers blew up the stability of marriage and family life, GenX couples are so far staying together in greater numbers.

In contrast, the current “millennial way” is to proceed with caution in the realm of traditional committed relationships. I interpret this as part of their values-driven consciousness. They value stability, authenticity, and individual freedom. It’s a lot to integrate. And in the process, they don’t mind waiting.

They also have the capacity to be truly straightforward with one another about what they want and are ready for—or not—in relationships. And I get the sense that, if the inherent messiness of living lands them at relationship endings with children involved, they’ll do things differently. Less Kramer vs. Kramer‘s tortured despair. More It’s Complicated‘s nuanced problem-solving. Another promising sign of our continuing evolution at a critical juncture.

And to end on a delicious note, millennials are foodies.

Just like plenty of folks around all of us these days, millennials are serious about food. So if you’re trying to connect with particular millennials, you may be able to do so quite enjoyably through their bellies and yours.

You may learn some things, too, in the realm of healthy, conscious deliciousness, with those three aspects of food choice-making increasingly integrated. And when you think about how fundamental all that is to the sustainable human journey here in the 21st century, well, I say millennials’ best food-related instincts are more signs of promise.

Now of course I hope my POV is helpful. Let me know, as you walk your particular path, living the life you choose to live, while relating as consciously as possible to the millennials in your family and community. After all, it’s as true as ever that the one constant in life is change, and that the young ones in our lives really are the future. Let’s move into it in creative conversation and collaboration with them.

Meanwhile, remember, the journey really is the destination, for all of us. Relish it in all its super-weird, ever-changing glory, even or especially the twilight zone that is 2020. Onward!

Teresa Young

 

 

 

Remembering Hurricane Michael – Reflections in the Midst of Disaster

Hurricane Michael via CNN

Hurricane Michael smashed into the Florida Panhandle on October 10, 2018. I originally wrote the short pieces below to keep some wonderful folks posted on my efforts to help my family in its aftermath.

 

October 19, 2020

Mission critical:  get to Panama City

I’m in Houston right now on my way to Panama City. I’m feeling both anxious and grateful to all the people who are helping me help my family. Because Hurricane Michael just punched them and their whole community down to the ground last week.

My dad and one of my brothers have been texting me to prepare myself. “This place is ruined.”

Von Miller said it right

I caught the end of the Broncos game with my husband Kevin last night. And I happened to hear Von Miller say they’d been relentless. That feels right.

Because right now my brother Michael, who works overseas, has arrived home. His wife and three kids had ridden out the storm in my local brother’s basement. Now this one’s relentlessly trying to find a new place for his family to live. Their apartment building is damaged. They have to leave.

My 82 year-old dad is relentlessly trying to get somebody, anybody, to patch a hole in his roof before it rains yet again. Meanwhile, he neeeeeds tarps! In fact, he painted “NEED TARPS” in big black letters on what’s left of his pretty white fence.

He’s also relentlessly trying to get my very ill mother—in a hospital bed in the living room—to eat something. Anything. And my local brother, Ken, is out relentlessly clearing debris from all kinds of wrecked properties.

It took Ken three separate tries to get to our parents just 17 miles from him. He brought water, and gas for their generator. Water and gas. That’s what matters right now. None of them knew how the others had fared until he managed to get to and then through their mangled yard.

I’ve been relentless this week, too, finally finding a rare place on the beach with power where we can stay—and I can cook—for the next ten days. On the ground in Panama City, the couple who will host us is updating me hour by hour on their volunteer work at the local command center.

They’ve been amazing. “Let’s get you some help.”

This is life

Meanwhile, as I prepare to leave Los Angeles again, my clients and students to whom I’ve been apologizing have said, “hey, this is life!” Over and over.

And that’s because I was just in Panama City for weeks for my mother’s awful surgery and worse complications afterward. We thought we’d lose her more than once. Hurricane Michael hit just five days after I got home.

In fact, when Michael struck and I freaked out and started a GoFundMe campaign to get back there with funds to make a difference, most of my amazing clients and students contributed.

So thank you to all you angels whose help has me on my way back there right now. I’ll never forget it.

 

October 22, 2020

Blue Skies and Inspiration in the Midst of Disaster - Teresa Young

On a puddle jumper from Houston to Panama City a few days ago, I soaked in the incredible views. I usually pick the aisle seat so I’m not often a window-gazer. But this time, in that tiny plane, 6A was both aisle and window.

Pale blue skies and soft clouds felt like pure gift. Like, here you go, girl, here’s some inspiration for you, an energy jolt in the midst of adversity and fear. Rest your eyes here. Store this 3D reminder of just how crazy-beautiful our little planet is.

Way better than the scene in my head

The view was a perfect match for my gratitude to be heading home to help my family. My parents were my overriding concern, with no power, water, or phones. Though a few texts to and from my dad had gotten through. No internet to find out how to get help.

With my elderly mom just home from weeks in the hospital. And my elderly dad—with wrecked left knee—as her sole caregiver. They were right at the start of scheduling essential home health care services for her. But Hurricane Michael stopped everything.

While still in L.A. preparing to leave, I’d lie in bed at night imagining my dad out in the backyard keeping his generator going. Trying to feed my mom. Changing her bandages. Imagining her getting back and forth to the bathroom with a walker. Extension cords everywhere. With a hole in the roof, an upstairs window blown out, and more rain coming. An impossible situation.

And grateful for so much

Now, four days later, on the ground here, I’m done trying to take photos and video that show the devastation all around us. And it’s dangerous to do so given thread-the-needle road conditions. It’s time to focus on what inspires me instead. Time to focus again on what I’m grateful for.

I’m feeling all that as I drive the clogged streets and highways between Panama City and my place at the beach, where there’s power and water. And speaking of power…

 

Generating Power in Panama City - Teresa Young

 

October 23, 2020

Generating power here

I’ve never seen so many workers up on power poles at the same time across so many lanes of traffic. And on a Sunday yet. And this is going on all over Panama City.

Gulf Power is trying hard to restore power to all areas of Panama City and larger Bay County by October 24th, two weeks after Hurricane Michael ploughed through here. That’s tomorrow. Fingers crossed.

Meanwhile, in a sweet moment yesterday on a bumper-to-bumper highway, three state troopers were standing around keeping an eye on things. Someone in a car ahead of me reached out and handed them a big bag of sandwiches.

They dug right in. Power, indeed.

Music matters

Once on the ground here, I started playing Pandora’s ‘70s rock station when I could get a signal during long drives in my rental car. I decided on ’70s tunes to evoke my pre-teen years here. They feel right.

Like yesterday, on the way to my parents’ house from the beach in heavy traffic. Cat Stephens’ Oh, baby, baby, it’s a wild world couldn’t have been more perfect.

My brother’s family is staying with me after getting most of their stuff out of their damaged apartment. My mother is too weak to move, so I’m taking hot meals to my parents daily.

Because in a bizarre twist that weather pundits didn’t have time to predict, Panama City Beach fared better than adjacent inland areas. It’s the only nearby municipality with power. I’d found a place there before I left L.A., thinking my parents would come stay with me, too. But they won’t leave their home. And I get it.

After several hours with them yesterday, James Taylor’s Shower the People kicked in just as I pulled out onto their ravaged street again. It got me past the shock my dad and I feel every time we open his garage door to the ruin around us.

I gave him his own private daily pep talk as we stood next to my car. Shower the People is definitely what I’m doing here.

Sketchy new routines

We’re managing a routine of sorts while waiting for power and more ease of movement. That’s both indoors at my parents’ place, where extension cords to the generator and all around the ground floor are exactly as I’d imagined, and outdoors.

Streets and neighborhoods have become mazes of downed trees and mountains of debris, with tangled, suspicious-looking cables as thick as my arms winding around everything. Hordes of workers are descending on the area, with orange cones popping up all around heavy-duty vehicles parked precariously. They’ve got to get their jobs done somehow.

And a news flash: yesterday I saw a convoy of FEMA trucks roll into town with “Potable Water” emblazened on them in block letters as tall as a man. Their presence is growing.

Fueled by gratitude

The shock has worn off a bit now, and I’ve starting telling my parents how I got here this time. About all the aid we received. They get wide-eyed and quiet while I get choked up.

And they’ve been telling me what really happened that night. I thought they were holed up in a special closet under the stairs. But during the height of the storm, as it plowed a path of devastation right through their neighborhood with what must have been accompanying tornadoes, my father was trying to keep a set of French doors from being sucked open in the raging wind.

My mother, asleep in her hospital bed, woke up, saw what my father was doing, and got up to do the same with the other set of French doors. The doors held, my parents weren’t sucked out of their home, and it wasn’t destroyed.

Now we’re re-living and feeling so much at once. Gratitude is the saving grace on the list.

 

October 30, 2020

Processing… everything

For one thing, I’m experiencing firsthand how natural disasters are in the news for a week or two and then fade from view. The truth is, the recovery process in and around Panama City is barely underway. The shock everybody is in is still descending.

I’ve heard dark threads of conversation all over town that I’ve tried to counter with encouragement. The stages of grief are just beginning.

Blossoming in hardship

But one inspiring result of all this heartbreak has been my family coming together. And that’s big. Because the fact is, this left coast liberal and those long-time Republicans have re-connected in ways we haven’t been capable of in years.

My local brother Ken is kind of my twin on the planet, born 364 days after me. One day a year, on his birthday, we’re officially the same age. He’s former Coast Guard, and about the time I started my own business he started his. These days the ace helicopter mechanic runs his own tractor company while managing his 40-acre homestead.

So he had the tools and the talent to begin clearing our parents’ ruined property himself. This was quite a fete, since any kind of expert help was impossible to find yet. FEMA was still setting up. And contractors of all kinds—and the communication mechanisms through which to find them—were in very short supply.

Before I got there, Ken had already cut our parents out of a house-high barrier of once magnificent old oaks. On his second pass he worked to get tangles of trees and all kinds of debris like siding, roofing, front porch overhead fan parts, and their shattered mailbox to the side of the road.

Neighbors worked on enormous piles in tandem, assisted by anyone they could beg or hire. We heard FEMA would take it all away at some point. Watching my bro work that time, it seemed to me he was doing what he was into from the time he was pint-size, pushing all his great trucks around in the yard and being his upbeat, can-do self in the world.

A few days in the life

In the midst of it all, my two brothers and I managed to have some beers and a party-planning session for our dad’s 83rd birthday. We met at a favorite bar of theirs. It had just opened back up, running cash only and standing room only.

Then my brother Michael, a former-Navy security pro on loan from his work overseas, trekked back to our AirBnB townhouse out on the beach. (Traffic around here rivals L.A.’s right now.) Ken headed to his place in nearby Chipley. I went back to our parents’ house. They and most folks have power now.

While still looking for my rental car, I had to smile at the sheer weirdness of it all. And I watched Ken already rolling out onto the highway in his 50-foot rig, sporting one of several Caterpillar contraptions that he uses daily.

Then, as he was clearing our parents’ lot further yesterday, they suddenly lost water to the house again. Amazingly in this resource-strained situation, a guy from the Water Department came right out and diagnosed an issue underground. It wasn’t at the street so it wasn’t his problem, and he hightailed it on out of there.

The next thing I knew, Ken was waist-deep in a hole that wasn’t there before, gluing something with something Michael had just snagged from the now re-opened hardware store. And our parents had water again.

Michael had already rigged up an antenna that our dad bought years ago and managed to find. So now our parents could watch some TV. And I fed everybody. That’s been my thing.

Best birthday ever

And we had our dad’s 83rd birthday party. Despite our depressed parents’ protests, it went down. And Dad loved it. Two little girls next door even brought over homemade cookies, an impressive fete given the mess at hand! Mom couldn’t get out of bed to join us, but she proclaimed it Dad’s best birthday ever.

Tough stuff and temporary opportunities

Panama City and larger Bay County have had two hospitals for decades. Hurricane Michael pummeled them both. They’re still closed right now except for emergency services. So long convoys of troopers and sheriffs roll through town at least once daily, sirens blazing, getting people to hospitals sixty or more miles away.

And on my drive to Destin to buy my dad’s phone, I heard urgent requests on the radio for more hospital personnel, and public service announcements about emergency nursing certifications. Announcements like these were yet another brand new, incredibly weird life experience for me.

And a note on the satellite image of Hurricane Michael here:

Commemorating Hurricane Michael - Teresa Young

Just before I left, Ken heard that emergency responders had finally found one of nearby Mexico Beach’s weather station recorders. They learned that it had measured sustained 160 mph winds with gusts of up to 201 mph.

So it’s a good thing this storm moved fast. Otherwise its impact would have been even more devastating.

Now back to La-La Land

For now I’m grateful that I’ve been able to be literally present for a time as my family grapples with this crisis. And for everything I’m learning about natural disasters.

For instance, I know now that west coast folks need generators to complete earthquake prep. Oh, and landlines really will be useless.

And now it’s time to get back to my own work. And I’ll keep going to Panama City. My parents will need ongoing help prepping for immense changes, like getting their 2-story house repaired and ready to sell.

My dad’s health has suffered while caring for my mother pre- and post-surgery, then post-hurricane. Anybody who has been through their own parents’ increasingly tough times knows where I am with them now, in heart-wrenching new territory.

Because some kind of real change is at hand. Is it time for assisted living? Can they agree on what comes next? It’s no longer a someday situation. One thing they do agree on is that they won’t be moving to La-La Land. Believe me, I’ve tried.

Meanwhile, thank you again and always to everyone who helped us. As my niece Kyla says, “You have done something great.”

We’ll never forget it, as we all move on into who knows what strange new country. That’s the gig we’re all on, right? Never a dull moment on life’s wild, wonderful journey.

Addendum:  These writings will forever remind me of how hardship brought my family together dramatically during what turned out to be an even more critical season than we knew. Because my mother died just three months later, in part due to lack of aggressive medical care in the aftermath of Hurricane Michael. RIP, mama. We love you so.

 Teresa Young

 

The What—and Why—of My Soulful Approach

Soulful Life Coaching with Teresa Young

Now let’s get right to the heart of the matter. Here’s the what and why of my soulful approach to phone-based life coaching services.

 

We’re holistic beings, wired for growth.

Quantum physics tells us we’re energetic beings, “entangled” in life in fascinating ways. So dreams, depressions, diseases, accidents, addictions, relationship issues, synchronicities and more may signal what we need to know now. They may be invitations to correct our course, toward the healthy longevity that’s possible in 21st century life.

What’s more, exploring and choosing what we really want nowin this particular season of our livescan keep us energized and inspired. This disrupts any tendencies to begin treading water and marking time until… what? What are we waiting for? The someday that never comes? 

But how, given the realities of our lives?

As a life coach, I say the process is clear with the right support:

 

We can reflect, honestly and humbly, asking the right questions of the wisest, deepest, most determined parts of ourselves. Then when clarity comes, as it will, we can move forward, one foot in front of the other. It’s simple really, though not easy. We humans fear change and the unknown. (It isn’t just you.) That’s why the right kind of coaching matters.

 

Yes, we can set new goals, based on who we are today. Then we can take committed action on what we know is real for us. In the process, we can stay attuned to helpful inner and outer signals. They matter. And I’ll repeat, real support matters.

And why now?

Because then the journey really, really is the destination. We aren’t waiting for our real lives to begin… someday.

And by reflecting deeply first, we aren’t careening off toward this or that surface goal. No wonder doing so often falls apart, because parts of us may not be on board. On the other hand, when we do the work of getting truly clear and truly congruent, then look out, world!

 

The journey really, really is the destination.

And why a soulful approach?

My approach isn’t rainbows and fairy dust. But I am all about… wait for it… the soul, that highest Self in each of us. It’s the part of us that wants growth, at any age or stage of life. In fact, I say the soul wants maximum self-expression and satisfying contribution. And not just in the nebulous someday we may vaguely wish for, while heads-down in “gerbil wheel” situations that drain and discourage us.

What’s more, because the soul has its ways, we often grow to our full potential through the most painful, confusing seasons of our lives. The times that test us, the inner or outer conflicts that confound us, ultimately propel us to a brand new reality in which to live our best lives.

And that level of empathic, empowering facilitation is what I mean by a soulful approach to life coaching. Read more.

 

On Positive Mindset: Rock These 6 Fun Steps For Yourself and Others

Rock an Empowering Mindset - with Life Coach Teresa Young

Indeed, my dears, let’s talk positive mindset. Because the truth is that you, despite all the parts and pieces of you that can be quite a diverse cast of characters, can be your own cheerleader-in-chief at critical junctures. You can in fact allow only helpful thoughts, with a clear call to take a hike to all else that may want its discouraging say.

What’s more, it can be fun, yo! Ready to play? (Just say yes.) And off we go.

1.  Sniff like a bloodhound for negative voices.

You may not have a natural ability to notice voices inside or outside you that are discouraged or fearful for whatever good reason, or that are just plain struggling to trust that the life you want is possible. But like any skill that you work at, you can learn this.

First, work to notice when those “you can’t” or “the sky is falling” voices strike. And what do they say, exactly? Listen closely to whatever you hear.

Continue reading “On Positive Mindset: Rock These 6 Fun Steps For Yourself and Others”