Chronic conflict can sap your strength. It can really mess up your life. Maybe you know just what I mean: the searingly painful kind, when every attempt to communicate ends in anger, sadness, and feelings of failure. Ugh.
The fact is, this kind of recurring bad dream is oh, so human. What to do? Let’s go there.
1. Begin with you.
Yes. You. The bottom line is that when it comes to chronic conflict—and much else in life—this is the only place where you have control. There isn’t a thing you can do about someone else’s actions and reactions. But there is an upside to that downside. You can work very effectively with your part in any challenging situation.
Now, think about these questions with your situation in mind:
What’s your goal for the communication? What are the potential land mines? What are the potential opportunities?
2. Create a constructive point of view.
Next, while considering all that, set aside your judgments, all the yada yada yada about the other person. Really. And yes, all your reasons not to will rear up here like ghosts from a grave. It’s human.
Yet this is something we can do to get beyond conflict. We can—because our goals matter—begin to handle chronic issues in new ways. Like working within our own new, non-negotiable commitments to ourselves.
For example, let’s say two ex-spouses can’t communicate without battling, and their kids are caught in the crossfire. Ouch. Right? And oh, so human.
Ready for a beautiful week, my dears? Jazzed to begin it? Oh. No?
If not, why not? What’s getting in the way? Or is it that yourgoals are great, and in fact the only issue is… well… you? :)
Yep, I’m smiling as I write. Because the truth is that this is, oh, so human.
You aren’t alone
I love the quote above from Ralph Waldo Emerson for just that reason. It acknowledges that we humans tend toward thought patterns that get in the way of our own sunshine.
To me, that fact means we need lots and lots of self-compassion and self-encouragement as important daily parts of our lives. Regular self-affirmation should be in the mix for each of us.
So now for a tiny life coaching moment from me to you. Toward your beautiful week, how about crafting a nurturing mantra that you can jam to as needed in the week ahead? Here’s mine, crafted during a powerful iPEC experience:
On the oh, so human subject of beginning again, have you noticed how we humans have good days and bad days, inspired moments, ones that don’t represent our best, and everything in between? Are you 100% clear that it isn’t just you?
Yes. Deep breath.
In living the life of your dreams, I invite you to get clear that Every. Single. Moment. is an opportunity for beginning again. Are you on track, or off? How often do you step out of all your automatic thoughts and feelings to take a look at that? It’s a skill, like a muscle you can develop. And it’s all about practice. Think of it as a healthy ritual that you can make a regular part of your committed approach to your own precious, unrepeatable life.
My explorer friends Ricardo Accorsi and Linda Parker introduced me to the wild work of Gregg Braden. I took these notes at the end of 2014. I was reflecting on my year while listening to the last chapter of his audiobook, The Spontaneous Healing of Belief.
Gregg Braden’s work excites me because he integrates cutting-edge science with ancient wisdom traditions. He writes about all that beautifully. And he’s a powerful narrator.
So I say the resulting coaching can help us shift beliefs and patterns to create what we want most in our precious lives. As you read, imagine applying these “15 Keys of Conscious Creation” to your life and goals.
And FYI, this is rich brew. Sip it. Take your time. Take a break! Then come back. It’ll be here.