8 Ways Past Chronic Conflict – You Know, the Searingly Painful Kind

On Chronic Conflict - Life Coaching with Teresa Young

Chronic conflict can sap your strength. It can really mess up your life. Maybe you know just what I mean: the searingly painful kind, when every attempt to communicate ends in anger, sadness, and feelings of failure. Ugh.

The fact is, this kind of recurring bad dream is oh, so human. What to do? Let’s go there.

1. Begin with you.

Yes. You. The bottom line is that when it comes to chronic conflict—and much else in life—this is the only place where you have control. There isn’t a thing you can do about someone else’s actions and reactions. But there is an upside to that downside. You can work very effectively with your part in any challenging situation.

Now, think about these questions with your situation in mind:

 

What’s your goal for the communication?
What are the potential land mines?
What are the potential opportunities?

2. Create a constructive point of view.

Next, while considering all that, set aside your judgments, all the yada yada yada about the other person. Really. And yes, all your reasons not to will rear up here like ghosts from a grave. It’s human.

Yet this is something we can do to get beyond conflict. We can—because our goals matter—begin to handle chronic issues in new ways. Like working within our own new, non-negotiable commitments to ourselves.

For example, let’s say two ex-spouses can’t communicate without battling, and their kids are caught in the crossfire. Ouch. Right? And oh, so human.

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Who Will You Be in This Pregnant Moment? Choose. Then Choose Again. And Again.

Life Coaching with Teresa Young

I learned the evocative phrase pregnant moment from my former employer, musical collaborator and dear friend Ricardo Accorsi. Deeply creative, equal parts brilliant architect, artist, and musician, he’s gone now. But his way with language—and life—inspires me still.

Because these days I believe every moment is in fact chock full of new possibilities. And that at our best and most objective, we get to choose who we’ll be in each. Not that this is necessarily easy, but it can be a meaningful endeavor. With such a magnificent capability as context, what energy, ideas, thoughts, feelings, attitudes, and intentions will we bring to the delicious potential of the present?

If you aren’t sure how you feel about that kind of freedom, consider testing it  for a few minutes at a time, like a meditation. Or longer, for a day, or as a week-long experiment. Journal about your experience. Keep track of how you’re doing. Soon, with real practice under your belt, you may find it liberating. Because the past is indeed behind us, unless we keep dragging it into each brand new, as yet unlived chance to create who we are and what we want.

 

Every moment is chock full
of new possibilities.

 

And as for the future, well, the truth is, there’s this moment, then the next, and the next. Etcetera. This is it. What we have. All we can know. So how do we want this moment and the next to go? Who will we be in each? Day after day and night by night, our lives are ongoing opportunities to think, feel, and act in ways aligned with what we consciously choose for ourselves.

So today, rather than acting and reacting in old ways that may not move you toward what you want most, how will you choose to proceed? What motivates and inspires you, bringing you joy and peace?

Try creating your way moment by pregnant moment. After all, you deserve the life you want and intend to live. I say it’s available right here in the delicious present. And I know my fascinating friend Ricardo—who, after all, still visits me in dreams—would agree.

 

Ready to Launch the Beautiful Week You Deserve? What’s Your Mantra? Time to Create One.

Toward Your Beautiful Week - Life Coaching with Teresa Young

Ready for a beautiful week, my dears? Jazzed to begin it? Oh. No?

If not, why not? What’s getting in the way? Or is it that your goals are great, and in fact the only issue is… well… you? :)

Yep, I’m smiling as I write. Because the truth is that this is, oh, so human.

You aren’t alone

I love the quote above from Ralph Waldo Emerson for just that reason. It acknowledges that we humans tend toward thought patterns that get in the way of our own sunshine.

To me, that fact means we need lots and lots of self-compassion and self-encouragement as important daily parts of our lives. Regular self-affirmation should be in the mix for each of us.

So now for a tiny life coaching moment from me to you. Toward your beautiful week, how about crafting a nurturing mantra that you can jam to as needed in the week ahead? Here’s mine, crafted during a powerful iPEC experience:

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Begin Again Daily, With Your Life as Your Art. And Again. And Again.

On Beginning Again Daily - Life Coaching with Teresa Young

On the oh, so human subject of beginning again, have you noticed how we humans have good days and bad days, inspired moments, ones that don’t represent our best, and everything in between? Are you 100% clear that it isn’t just you?

Yes. Deep breath.

In living the life of your dreams, I invite you to get clear that Every. Single. Moment. is an opportunity for beginning again. Are you on track, or off? How often do you step out of all your automatic thoughts and feelings to take a look at that? It’s a skill, like a muscle you can develop. And it’s all about practice. Think of it as a healthy ritual that you can make a regular part of your committed approach to your own precious, unrepeatable life.

Continue reading “Begin Again Daily, With Your Life as Your Art. And Again. And Again.”