You’re Afraid. So What? Now Just Befriend Your Fear to Loosen Its Grip.

Say what? Befriend a fear? I know. I know it sounds crazy. But stay with me here. Because the truth is, that fearful voice in you may be for you in a way.

Think about it. Imagine it. Then step on into the game this friendly neighborhood life coach is encouraging you to play.

Yes, befriend your fear. Try it here.

After all, we each have our own version of Aunt Agnes Who Made Us Nervous, Professor What’s His Name who demanded perfection, or that jacked-up little league baseball coach whose rants you internalized. So let’s get strategic.

How often? Well, basically, again and again. As needed.

Try hearing the fear you want to tackle in a voice you know you can dominate. Have fun. Give your fear an image, a name, a long green nose. A theme song! Let the conversation play out to a dreaded Worst Case Scenario.

And if you haven’t held your own in the past, here’s your opportunity. After all, it isn’t live TV. Keep workin’ it like Groundhog Day until you come out on top. For example:


Mrs. Witchy, mean middle school teacher: Who do you think you are, Miss Big Britches? Better than the rest? Sit down and know your place.

You: Hey, Mrs. Witchy in beehive hairdo and stilettos, I always thought you were kinda cool! Why did you mess with me that whole impressionable year in ways that have stuck with me in terms of fears?

Mrs. Witchy: How dare you think you’ll rise above your kin. That’s not what we do. Don’t you step up to that microphone where all the world might hear how ordinary you are. I’m just protecting you, silly girl.

You: Awww, Mrs. Witchy, I didn’t know you cared. Thanks for clearing up where that public speaking terror came from. Now I’ve got this. Everything’s OK. Oh, and have a nice day.


Keep workin’ it like Groundog Day
until you come out on top.

No need for news conferences. Do your quiet best.

Let these encounters play out in your fertile imagination. In your heart and mind. Part of disrupting a fear’s power is about risk. About stepping right into that space. The truth is, when you offer a fear thoughts, feelings, intentions, and drives that counter its grip, that place in you relaxes. Maybe only for a bit at first. But that’s a game-changer.

And there’s no need to share your fear here and there or identify with it, as in, I don’t… [this or that], because of… [this or that]. It’s who I am. Likewise, avoid never. As in I just can’t do it, and that’ll never change. Declarations like these just keep fear running the show, like a genie of dark thoughts hovering over the neighborhood.

Work quietly to befriend a fear. Flex and feel the brand new muscles you’ll develop from these workouts. Exercise them daily. Watch, listen, confront, connect, coax, and whoop it up as you grow. And note: that’s as you grow. Not if.

Be kind and firm. Loving and tough.

Ultimately, the bottom line is this: Consider that fearful voice a loving, even protective one. Speak to it kindly but firmly. Then forge ahead. And practice. Practice. Practice while you step on out into the world in the new ways that matter most to you. You’ll learn as you go.


Practice, practice, practice.
Then… you guessed it. Practice.


Before long you’ll be smiling mid-stride, thinking back on some close encounter that ran its course. Because, despite Mrs. Witchy’s scary proclamations, we do form new mental habits and patterns when we do the work. We do make major strides forward, beyond what’s been possible before. That is who we are.

New friend today, new friend tomorrow…

And yep, you guessed it: New fears do—and will—crop up like fresh weeds in a spring garden. And that’s human. Pay it no mind. Because part of the beauty of it all is that, with more and more practice, we do get better and better, with less and less drama, about just rapping with our fears while we move forward.

In short, my dears, befriend a fear you want to dominate. And let me know how it goes!

Teresa Young

For more pieces from Teresa, click here.